So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
