I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
did you just send me my own nude
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
