Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
