forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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