We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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