We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize