I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
