I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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