Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
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What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
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I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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