So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
