forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
