A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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