You really coming over, don't trick.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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