Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Randomize
