So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
