Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
