I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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