Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize