well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
