I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
