somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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