Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
