I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
