I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
