That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
