I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
