I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
