sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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