So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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