I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
