I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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