She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
