I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
