oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
