I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
