If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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