would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
