Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
