hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
