Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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