Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
