if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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