Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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