six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
