first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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