that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
