Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
