my sisters under your porch take her home
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
