I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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