anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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