i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
