Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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