i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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