Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize