Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
