Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
farters have to be the big spoon...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
