My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
now i know why i became what i already was.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
