Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We left an ass print on the piano.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
