Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
