spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
