You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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