we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
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Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
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When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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