I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
