My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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