last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
