The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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