how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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