I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize