Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
