a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
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I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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