Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
