I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I fill condoms, not promises.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
