Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
