I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
