Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
