She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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