I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
